i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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