I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
