I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
