I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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