I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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