I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
