If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
