The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
