I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
