$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
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You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.