you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
