You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay