I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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