Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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