Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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