sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
