I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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