i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
high people should be assigned attendants
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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