Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
