You smell like stripper and shame
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
