Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
