could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
