wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
