Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
