Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
