Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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