i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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