We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
