What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
