okay pat passed out under dana's car
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
