i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
