I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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