i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
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