It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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