If that was your dad, he is hot
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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