she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
