Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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