And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
