he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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