she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
