Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
