farters have to be the big spoon...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
