All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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