He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
