look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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