when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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