I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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