I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
