so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
