found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
