Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
