THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
