When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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