I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
