I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
