She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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