covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
