I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
