5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
