I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
