omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
