I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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