Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Congratulations! We have a period
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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