that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
