Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
