To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
