Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
